You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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