but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
