she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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