I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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