this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
