dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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