'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
