Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
