i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
