I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
