wanna go halves on a baby?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
