Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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