Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
