Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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