she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
