Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
