Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have fence marks all over my body
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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