I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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