in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
