So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I smell stomach acid.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
