My nipple is on Facebook.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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