So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
