he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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