I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
my poor anus
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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