You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sorry about my life...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
