In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
