Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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