Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
