she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
