someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
