yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There's a naked man in my car right now.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
