bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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