dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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