Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
