i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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