Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
