You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
