Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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