So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
