i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
