did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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