Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
