Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
