I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
