I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
