He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
