You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
