Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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