I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
