My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
