dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
